Unti-unti na akong nakakawala
sa sumpang kalungkutan ng iyong paglisan
Unti-unti, dahan-dahan, natatanggap na
ang lahat ng iyong kadahilanan.

Malapit na matapos ang mga gabing
maaalimpungatan at magigising na lamang
na basa ng walang-katapusang luha ang mga matang
mugto at sanay na sanay na sa pag-iyak.

Ngunit bakit kaunting salita lamang
mula sa iyo, mga salitang hindi inaasahang
manggagaling pa sa iyo, mga pariralang hindi
ko na inisip pang iuugnay mo sa akin –

Kaunting salitang pinipigilan kong
tumagos nang tuluyan sa nagdurugo kong puso,
mga salitang humihiwa, sumasaksak, lumalapastangan
sa damdaming mula noon pa’y iningatan na laban sa yo.

Unti-unti na akong nakakawala mula sa yo
ngunit parang naghagis ka ng tali at ako ay nasilo
na naman, na naman, wala na yatang katapusan
babalik na naman ako sa mga gabing balot ng kalungkutan.

—————-

ROLLBACK – a term used in transaction processing that cancels a proposed transaction which modifies one or more tables and undoes changes, if any, made by the transaction before a COMMIT or COMMIT TRANSACTION SQL statement.

This night is just like
any other night
before.

It seems just the same
and yet not.

The laughter, the smiles, the whispered assurances,
all gone now, all gone now.

No more comforting words, only piercing pain,
you’re gone now, you’re gone now.

typedef struct data_type {
int duration;
char name[20];
char location[20];
} memory;

memory *source_of_emo;
source_of_emo = (memory*) malloc( sizeof(*source_of_emo) );
source_of_emo->duration = 70;

strcpy( source_of_emo->name, “sikret heehee” );
strcpy( source_of_emo->location, “sikret ulit heehee” );

printf( “kilcher is remembering the memory %p with the name of %s who is located at %s. memory length is %d”, source_of_emo, source_of_emo->name, source_of_emo->location, source_of_emo->duration);
.
.
.
free( source_of_emo );
.
.
.
free( source_of_emo );
.
.
.
ERROR: pointer source_of_emo does not respond;
.
.
.
free( source_of_emo );
.
.
ERROR: pointer source_of_emo does not respond;
.
.
.
ANUBAH! ANAK NG TINALUPANG TINOLA NAMAN! CTRL-ALT-DEL FORCE SHUTDOWN!

——-

Gomen ne. Rusty na ang aking C skills. Kung mali, hayaan na lang hehe. At shoutout kay Apols ⇒ kasalanan mo ito haha.

while ( tina.sleep() ) {
	tina.status = statusEnum.SAFE;
	if ( tina.awake() && tina.depressed() ) {
		tina.status = statusEnum.DANGEROUS;
		break;
	}
}

She takes a little time in making up her mind
She doesn’t want to fight against the tide
- Garbage, The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

hindi ko alam kung papaanong nakarating ako
sa mundo mo kung saan ang mga kaluluwang
katulad ko ay wari’y may nakatakdang espasyo.

hindi ko maintindihan kung papaanong nabihag
ng mga salitang iyong isinusulat ang pariwarang
puso kong takot sa kahit na anong hindi pamilyar.

sana sana maramdaman mong may naliligaw
sa mundo mo, naghihintay, nagmamasid, umaasang
sana sana ikaw naman ang maligaw sa mundo ko.

you pride yourself in your coldness,
your ability to just go with the flow,
the moat and walls around your emotions
fully impenetrable by any blow.

but it takes only a series of words
to show that crack in your armor,
it takes a few sentences to strike you
and bring you down on your knees.

one minute you were walking on even ground,
and the next thing you know you are falling…

…no, falling is such a tame word…

you are dropping, no, you are plummeting,
plummeting into this seemingly endless abyss,
seemingly endless and yet entirely possible
to end anytime soon, a time where you fall flat
on your face, a time fully unexpected.

unexpected? but you were waiting for this,
you just didn’t know when it will be,
and you shudder thinking this still might not be it,
oh, holy horrors, this still might not be it.

marahil masalimuot ang mundong kinabibilangan niya
madalas ang away, walang humpay ang gulo.

marahil dapat protektado siya ng kinalalagyan niya
ngunit para itong isang bilangguang kumakahon,
sumasakop, sumusukob, pumipigil…

marahil inilalayo lamang siya sa panganib
ng mga taong nag-aalala, ng mga taong nagmamahal…

marahil dapat manatili na lamang muna siya
sa kung saan siya ay malayo sa nagbabanggaang bato
ngunit nais niyang magpumiglas, nais niyang makawala.

dahil para sa isang taong nasa loob ng hawla,
wala ng iba pa mang konsepto ng tama
kundi ang minimithing paglaya.

it’s ridiculous, outrageous, preposterous
for me to even consider thinking about this
gnawing, troubling, very very distressing
thing that just popped into this overtaxed mind.

it’s absolutely, totally, utterly, impossible
for me to even dare give you a sliver of attention,
this ridiculous, outrageous, preposterous notion
should never be true – no, never, never ever.

it’s incomprehensible, inconceivable, unbelievable
that i should think of you – oh that single thought
bothers me, agitates me, disorients me to no end,
it should never happen – no, never, never ever.

it’s ridiculous, ludicrous, and a bit disastrous,
no, i shouldn’t miss you – i shouldn’t and wouldn’t,
because it’s mind-boggling, overwhelming, bewildering,
no, i don’t miss you – no, never, never ever.

- this is merely an exercise on synonyms. that is to say that this thing is dedicated to no one in particular. pero kung gusto mong maapektuhan, sino ba naman ako para pigilan ka? :D