A tear it would bring
An afternoon to sulk through
A stab of pain deep inside
What more can torture do?

Overwhelming sadness
Tired of the mind and of the body
Exhaustion flows through me
How cruel can life ever be?

Endless comfort
An evening to smile through
Undying love and support
What cure can ever outdo you?

Whispers of I love you’s
Hugs to soothe my battered soul
Not a stab of pain but of gladness
What cure can there be other than you?

- Circa 2002

sunrises…
…they do signal the start
of a fresh new day,
a new beginning,
a new hope.

that is, if you’re not
penultimately jaded like me.

see, the harsh glare of the early
morning sun brings
not gladness, but desperation.
not hope, but sheer and
unadulterated dread.

because you see,
at least the night
cloaks my tears and
offers me solace
in my melancholy.

at least the darkness
comforts me, telling me
that there is absolutely
no need to face anybody.

and then comes the sun,
oh the cruel scorching sun…
it threatens to expose
my sins, my fears, my shortcomings.
it sheds light upon the
harsh reality that waits for me,
day after day after day.

moreover it flashes upon me
the ironically cold truth –
that after the night
protected me from facing
that bitter truth –

– it will all come down to this.
it will mean losing you.
it will mean that it’s true
after all…

not some horrendous nightmare
that shook the core of my being.

yes, that same sunshine that brings
smiles to other people –
that same sunshine — it signals
the truth that i’ve really
lost you and you’re not coming back.

and yet i will still be here,
left behind, bitter, cold and broken.
i will still be here
praying for night to come cloak me with
its darkness once more.

so i can hide the tears
and the whimpers and the endless
heartwrenching sobs that fail to escape
my worn-out throat.

but then again, morning always comes,
oh how i wish it never does,
how i really wish it never does.

11:19 PM 1/10/2006

see the expanse of life around you dissipate
see the ground you’re walking on crumble down
see the oblivion before your feet stretch out endlessly

see how a mirror reflects the truth
see the image in front of you and realize to
see that it’s not you anymore

see how your world crumbles
see how you slowly fall apart
see how painful everything really is -

- painful?

painful, hurtful indeed, but
see how it had made you numb.

gut-wrenching, life-turning, mind-numbing,
but still it had made you numb.

originally posted in my tabulas on june 4 2005

nakakunot na naman ang noo mo.
siya na naman ba ang may kagagawan?
parang puro pasakit na lang
yata ang dulot sa ‘yo ng taong iyan.

idaan na lang natin sa inom,
o kanta o kape o kahit na anong
gusto mong gawin habang paulit-ulit
mong sinasambit ang iyong tanong.

bakit ganun siya? hindi namin alam.
kung ikaw nga na mas nakakakilala
na sa kanya ngayon, hindi mo alam,
kami pa kayang nagmamasid na lamang?

ilang buwan na rin ang nagdaan
sa sobrang dami na rin ng nangyari
nagkandaloko-loko na ang lahat ng bagay,
mahirap na silang pagtagpi-tagpiin.

malungkot na naman ang iyong mga mata
siya na naman ba ang dahilan?
kungsabagay ay siya naman ata ang pinagmulan
ng lahat ng sakit na iyong nararamdaman.

tapos na kaming pangaralan ka,
kahit paulit-ulit man naming hilinging
mauntog ka na sa pader at magising
sa katotohanang nakabalandra sa harap mo…

…ikaw lang naman ang maaaring
tumapos ng lahat di ba? di ba?
ikaw lang naman ang maaaring magsabi
ng “tama na, ayoko na”, di ba?

kaya sige, patuloy na lang muna kaming
magmamasid at mapipilitang umasa
na sana ay matutunan mo na ang dapat
matutunan sa karanasan mong ito.

o, ano ba? nakakunot na naman ang noo mo.
siya na naman ba ang may kagagawan?
parang puro pasakit na lang
yata ang dulot sa ‘yo ng taong iyan.

tama na, kalimutan mo na muna,
nandito naman kami sa tabi mo.
tahan na, sayang lang ang luha,
kami na lang muna ang sasalo sa yo.

v2.0.
revision history : 1:09 PM 1/8/2006